Always in my heart

So long ago, two little girls would giggle as their dad tickled their stomach, as they tried to jump on his back for a horseback ride....They loved him and their mom, and didn't realize that their parents were barely out of their childhood themselves, and how it was not going to be their destiny to grow together in the same home.

A fisher price school house packed, evil knievel put in a suitcase, a memory of watching Sonny and Cher while sitting behind my mom and dad, cuddled on the couch late at night..tucked away in my mind to pull out years later.

Life goes on, the little girls grow. They don't see their dad too much, but they always miss him.

He probably didn't know how much.

I see his name in the admissions of the hospital that were listed in the paper. A phone call, go see him quick, there isn't much time.

There was a little time left though, for him to go home, for us to visit, for him to ask how what we had planned for our future, to want to hold on to every piece of knowledge of us that he could grasp, for him to regret, to apologize for what he thought he had done wrong in life.

At the age of 35, he passed away...24 years ago this week.

I didn't grow up with him in my life, but I sometimes grieve for the chance we never had as I became an adult. I thought of him when I heard the first cry of my oldest child, and asked him silently if we has watching. I hope he can see how beautiful his grandchildren are, and how much one of them looks just like him.

I love you dad, you are always in my heart.