Coping

Oh, sigh. A Friday morning, off. Though just off from work, many other things on my schedule today! Just wanted to stop by and say hi. I don't come here as frequently as I like! This is my therapy, lol, if you haven't noticed. The difference between therapy on my blog and a real therapist..letting the rest of the world in on pieces of my life. I do that on purpose you know. We all go through so much while we are here, sometimes we don't realize that we are not alone in what we are experiencing. I want people to feel that and to know that they are not alone in what they feel and experience. Everyone has their own way of dealing with problems. Sometimes the way we do this is counterproductive. Don't let that happen! I am guilty of that too, it is definitely a learning experience, and I am definitely still a student! What I am saying, is that you need to find a way to cope. Whether it be exercise, art, meditation..find something that works for you. I have my ways, one being running. Without it I may just become a basket case!
Or even get outside, look at what god has given us, the color of the sky, the trees, the grass. Marvel in how amazingly beautiful it is. Don't just look at it, but see it.

I left her roses

It was a year ago, on March 3rd.
What do I do with such a day.
A week before,
I panic quietly, haunted in early morning hours of memories of that night. A heavy feeling in the bottom of my stomach, making me nauseous, as I remember such a dark, dark time.
I relive how it must have been in my mind over and over, as I have thousands of times in the past year. Only recently have I started to say to myself, that that moment is over. It has been over, and if she felt pain from it, that pain is long gone. I think of what I could have done that may have changed that day, I find blame in myself, almost any way I can. What I didn't do, what I should have done, how I could have made that moment never take place. I grasp to make sense of it...
But there is no sense, to something so senseless.
So I bring her roses, and sigh my quiet words of hope.
May her soul be at peace.
May she feel how much I loved her. May she forever bask in a beautiful place, where she hurts no more, and feels joy for eternity.
I love you Mom.